I don't know what to say here. Really. Do I need an introduction if the only people reading this are the ones I know? And do I want the ones I don't know to really know anything about me..? 

That said...I'll try for one. 

No wait I can't...damnit. 

OK here it goes. I HATE blogs. I hate the cheesiness, the self-centeredness, and most of all I hate how most of them are just a recurring nightmare that is called the christmas newsletter. except every day. with photos. And about a million more words. Don't even get me started on the so called "mommy blogs". 

So you are probably wondering why I am here posting things on what is known as a BLOG. There are two answers to that question. The first is that my most amazing younger sister Leah, (who is in a lot of ways older and more mature than I am) explained to me in simple terms that just because there are a certain people who give a tool a bad name doesn't mean I should throw that tool out when it is so useful. Or something like that. I'm paraphrasing. I'm pretty sure her version was more eloquent but you get the idea. I was having a bit of a rant and she was on the receiving end, listening patiently while I explained just how stupid 90% of the blogs out there are. And how it's the most saturated voice out there. And how I don't want to be one of them but that I don't know what kind of blog I want to be and If I don't know what kind of blog I want to be,  how can I define myself and If I can't define myself, how can I even consider writing about myself?? .... and if I'm writing about myself how do I express myself perfectly and...! Well. embarrassingly I went on like that for some time. She herself has a most adorable blog; one of the only ones that I love. But I still ranted on. She is a good listener. 

The other reason is that I have a dreadful fear of people reading what I write. The kind of fear that makes me cringe at the thought of you reading this right now. I'm developing an anxiety rash as we speak. Which is somewhat ironic because someday, somehow I would hope to be a writer. You know... the kind that gets paid to write books. In order to get paid to write books someday I am pretty sure that I have to be able to allow people to read those books. So.... I'm hoping this blog will help me get over this fear in a hurry. I am single and cynical and going through what I can only describe as the most major early midlife crisis ever. Some months ago in a combination of misery and exhalation, I quit my job, left the life I knew and became a housewife. Except I have no husband.  This didn't stop me. I left and didn't look back and now it is months later and I have only just realized that the housewife  thing often only works if there is another person to the story who supports the one who is going through the crisis. I would go out and get another half but that would mean that I would have to get married or something similar and who wants that? 

 I am hoping that this writing will help me focus. I'm hoping it will help me through this enormous earthquake of change that I have instigated for no reason other than I needed to find a life that made me happy. I am hoping that anyone out there who is striving to make a similar change will read this and know they are not alone and will send me an email explaining the secret to life. I have some pretty significant struggles so if I'm feeling brave I will delve into those as well. What you will not be seeing here are posts about thrifty ways to makeover your house, adorable photos of babies, or darling entries on how to whip up a pie or two. It just won't happen any time soon.

So here I am... standing at the cusp of enormous change and you get to be the audience for when I plummet off the edge! Horah for you!